Ripple Stitch Morning

Ripple stitch swatch that I completed this morning. 3 rows.

Don't even ask me how  I figured this pattern out. I'm actually still in the process of memorizing it and I've only just started. I actually have Mikey to thank for making this youtube video tutorial. I can only learn knitting and crochet patterns this complicated by watching a live process. I have to see someone's hands and they have to instruct in a clear, comprehensive, patient and if possible pleasant voice.

I'm not sure what I'm making yet. I just wanted to see if I could get the hang of this. I've had to look the video over several times and probably will several times more before I can just write the pattern down myself and try to memorize it. I'm at the third row now I think. In the next row I will be adding another color! Wee! I'm so glad I stuck with this. I was starting to feel like like giving up. It's kind of messed up but I can never really believe it when I finally get the hang of something I percieve to be as difficult. I always think, oh there's no way I got this! I must have mucked up somewhere! Then when I do get it I get all over confident and obnoxious! So get ready for some serious gloating entries if this success continues! LOL!

No seriously, I'm going to be unbearable.

Last of the banana pancake spam

Last of the banana pancake spam
Originally uploaded by Zanalee

This morning I made banana pancakes before we went to go see "Bourne Legacy." I got some not so great news from the dentist yesterday and decided to bury my sorrows in grocery shopping. So among a variety of happy making foods, I purchased some whole wheat flour and three ripe bananas at Watkns, my local health food store.

Note: I have never baked a thing in my life. I got the idea for banana pancakes from my dear resourceful Shaherah who reported to me last weekend how she threw some together out of hunger and desperation using only bananas and coconut flour. Milk? She may have used milk as well. Anyway she said they came out perfect and at that moment I had a little synaptic yummy flip out in my brain center.

I'm intimidated by baking or any recipe that requires eggs; eggs which still mystify me. simply because I've been conditioned away from them for years. But I figured if it was a simple as Shaherah made it sound, I could take a stab at it.

Besides I'm on a banana kick (though I shouldn't be) and was very excited about that element of it. I had to look up a simple recipe for banana pancakes on the internet though. I'm a pancake making virgin so I needed some guidance.

What I understood essentially was that wet and dry ingredients have to mixed separately and then mixed together to form the batter to make pancakes. I've watched enough cooking shows to know that the wet ingredients get poured into the dry.

I measured the flour and milk and used two large cage free brown eggs . Everything else I eyeballed as Rachel Ray would say. I was in a bit pf a quandary over the use of baking powder and the difference between that and baking soda which was all we had. In the end I decided not used the baking soda because I kept pulling up search results on it's possibly adding a weird taste to the pancakes. I didn't want any weird taste. I trusted the eggs to do their thing without any help.

I added 1 table spoon of brown sugar and broke that down in 1 and 1/3 of a cup of flour. Little pinch of salt.

I melted 2 table spoons of butter and then cooled it, broke two eggs in that and then added 1 and 1//4 cups of Silk Vanilla Soy milk and mixed that together thoroughly.

I then poured that into the flour mix and then added the two ripe pre- fork mashed bananas and mixed until the flour disappeared and until as smooth as possible.

The rest is pretty easy. I poured out about four or five servings into a pan greased with butter. A few minutes on each side and we had lift off! It was so fun! And they tasted soooo good. That first one didn't last very long. It was in my mouth before I finished making the second. Ha!! Francis loved them as well.

I still really want to try it with the coconut flour though. I love all things coconut and i think the taste of coconut flour with bananas would be stupendous. I forgot to add some essence as well but I'll add that in the next batch I do. I can't imagine them being any yummier but I love to experiment. As a pancake making newbie, I would say this was a total success

Carribean Appreciation Weekend

Renee Cox:"Queen Nanny of the Maroons"

 From my surprise invite from Cece to see Fela on Thursday night to First Saturdays at the Brooklyn Museum with Shaherah to the "Caribbean Crossroads" exhibit at the Studio Museum of Harlem with Peggy and Christina and friends, I suddenly realized that I have been having an entirely Afro Caribbean appreciation week! And I have been loving it.

The Caribean themed First Saturday was to say the least a bit disappointing but I did get to make a carnival head dress in the "hands on art studio" as well as see a gorgeous young Hatian woman dressed in full carnival mass, promoting Caribbean festivities out in front of the museum while Shaherah and I sat out there in the grass discussing among many things, the huge difference between how Americans regard exposed flesh in Carnival compared with the rich historical background of Caribbean Mass troupe play which does not involve treating woman like sex objects merely because they have flesh exposed as a part of their beautiful, ornate costumes.

Being born and partially raised in Brooklyn until I was about nine years old, my mother who was born in Trinidad used to take my brother and I to the Eastern Parkway Caribbean Labor Day Parade every year. It was quite an event, second only to the huge African Market Fair at Boys and Girls High which we attended every summer for years, even after we had moved to the Bronx. Then there was the Harlem Day Parade which we not only attended for years and also vended a raw food table for a few times. These are things my mother would make sure we did on the regular to connect with as many aspects of our African and Caribean culture as possible and to to become social and network with those of like minds, family and friends alike.
Oh we did it all and more. And yet, it's all become kind of a foggy but fond memory to me now, which has all but faded away. This weekend those memories was injected with some new life as I realized how important it is for me to continue to attend, participate and share cultural events like this, particular those events directly related to my own culture.

I was so lucky to get to be able to see Fela and I was so honored that Cece called me! Fela has been such a long running hit for the last year or so, and so many of my friends, my parents and parents' friends have all seen it. It was spectacular! And not only entertaining but very informative about the history and politics of Nigeria, where Fela was born. But oh man, the music!!! Needless to say that became my next Pandora station.

Studio Museum of Harlem

On Saturday, after the Museum, Shaherah and I went to her friend's place to have a little Soul Sister picnic on her roof shortly before being interrupted by a rather loud and annoying party. But that's another story for another blog. We had a great time regardless and stuck it out for a long time since we were the first to be up there. We helped Shelly set out a nice little smorgasbord she had shopped for at Trader Joes on a wooden door frame which rested on two plastic crates.  Shelly's laptop was set out on the makeshift table with Pandora playing Shaherah's Machel Montano station. I was so loving the music on that station that I had to create one on my Pandora when I got home as well.

It's so weird the things you forget that you always knew. Calypso, Socca and Reggae and  music had been apart of my life in such a prominent way as a child but I realize now that it was really by way of my mother and like many things your parents do traditionally when you're young, I took a lot of it for granted. I was a very American child I guess and while I have adopted much of my father's music, Jazz, R&B, Soul, I never really kept up with the Soca, Calypso and Reggae music my mom played in the house. Until recently that is.

About a year ago I started re listening to Peter Tosh and Steel Pulse again, two artists that my mother loved and played a lot. It's not that I never listened to them before but I guess I just didn't care or understand how what they said applied to life. Perhaps the only Reggae artist I never stopped listening to was Bob Marley. But these men are prophets. They are the truth. Forget "The Secret." Just listen to any Peter Tosh or Steel Pulse if you want some simple tenants on the right ways to live or the conditions of race and class relations in this world. Still very relevant to this day.

As for the Soca and Calypso, listening to the Machel Montana station I created on Pandora Sunday, I heard all kinds of songs I remember from my youth, songs like "Nani Whine" and  "Tiny Winy." I was like wow! I remember all of this! I can't believe I ever let this go! You hear this music and all you want to do is dance so I was having a solo dance party in my apartment before I headed off to see the "Caribbean Crossroads" exhibit at the The Studio Museum Sunday afternoon. For me, it's like finding lost treasure that was never really lost. Plus, I now have some brand new Soca favorites which I can't wait to  hear again!

And speaking of lost treasure, the "Caribbean Crossroads" exhibit is so vast and varied, it took about seven years to curate and is showing pieces in three different museums through January 6th. We met to take the guided tour at 1:00 on Sunday and I have to say that while the tour itself was not the best, the pieces were freaking amazing. It never ceases to amaze me, how people can create the most amazing records of history using a variety of mediums you might otherwise never think to use. Although for me, art is never just about materials but about the imagination. One of my favorite pieces which I'm not sure was apart of the exhibit was by Geandy Pavon. He incorporates many of the things I love most about art by illustrating the power of imagination coupled with simple tools and elements in a way I have never seen before. He creates simply, powerfully and in a way anyone could replicate on their own way but which for him represents something definitively specific and personal.



One of my favorite pieces in the show was a photograph by Rachelle Mozman wherein she uses herself to represent both the higher and lower class structure in a wealthy household. I love it when people use themselves as subjects in their own work to make commentary about types, classifications and social positions. The indications are clear and the speculations on deeper commentary are very evocative. As the hired help, her skin is darkened. As the lady of the house, she is very pale, and on first viewing, you cannot see immediately that they are both this same woman but the difference is not only in appearance and outfit or uniform but in the whole physical demeanor, and posture. I plan to go back as soon as I can to take a longer look at other incredible pieces that caught my eye and I also plan to see pieces at Museo Del Barrio as well. Here is a link to a short slideshow from pieces across all three Museums, The Studio Museum of Harlem, The Museuo Del Barrio and The Queens Museum of Art, which are exhibiting the show through January 4th.

Smoothie #1

Peach banana smoothie

I remember being a very little girl in our Brooklyn apartment and every morning, literally every single morning, my parents took turns making freshly squeezed orange juice for all of us. My dad would buy this huge box of oranges from the Key Food I believe. He bought the same huge box once every few weeks for years. I remember the smell of oranges near the large stereo on which music and radio would play all day. We had an Osterizer Juicer and and everyday oranges would be cut and pressed on the electric juicer and we would drink fresh juice for breakfast.

One day my dad started making smoothies. I don't remember what else he put in them besides bananas and yogurt? I don't know. Wheat germ maybe? I just loved them. They were very thick and sometimes there were chunks of banana in them. They were delicious and he made these for us often as well.

In my whole life, my parents have made fruit smoothies for me a countless number of times. Do you know how many times I've made a smoothie for myself? Zero. Zero times. Never done it. Until today.

More sad facts follow about how long I've had a Hamilton blender which my dear friend Shaherah bought me almost a year ago and have never used it! My mom visited for a few weeks a while back and she used it for the first time. I used it for the very first time today. I was so excited, it was retarded! LOL!!! I mean I was like a fucking kid with a new toy!

It all started with the peaches my dad dropped off this morning from the Farmers Market around the corner. They were amazing! My dad is from Savannah Georgia so he knows his peaches. I had a peach after he left and then I had another and then I knew I had to go out and get some more if Francis was going to be able to have any. So then I went out and got four more. Then I had  the idea about making a smoothie and went out again to get bananas from a generous street vendor. That's two times more than I expected to leave my apartment today.

Cut to me blending away on the carpet (note to self, get an extension cord) with a freakish smile on my face. I didn't even add sweetener. Just some plain soy milk. It's dope. I'll do it again. I may need to replace the banana though since as an Blood Type A, I'm supposed to stay away from bananas. But what I ask you can replace banana on a fruit smoothie? I guess I'll find out.

Lenox Coffee (Lounge Consciousness)

I was driven here by loud construction on my block. But also by the beautiful weather, my restlessness and the fact that I have Fridays off and nothing to eat in the fridge. Ha! I guess I could have made Tuna fish but I'm gonna need to do some grocery shopping later anyway.

It's super nice to be able walk a few blocks away (okay I bused it one stop. It's hot out here!) to a local cafe and just chill to some beautiful jazz while sipping on a mocha and internet surfing. That's me! That's what I'm doing! The only thing missing is poetry and the great American novel. I do have a doll in my bag though so that will have to do for now. LOL!!

I love this atmosphere. It's perfect and within walking distance and every time I've been here, there's always been space to sit. Lenox Coffee, thy name is gentrification, but I think I love you. Next time I come here I'm gonna grab that cozy ass looking sofa on the right. I should hold meetings here! Let's do that! Will you come to my next meeting here at Lenox Coffee? We can meet about whatever but just no whining about anything especially work! Let's talk about making our dreams a reality with Mingus in the background. Lets stare out of the window at the backs of kind young brothers  conversing with one another and greeting sisters as they walk in.

Let's get distracted and then get focused.

Distracted
My locks are doing something nice today that I didn't plan. Sometimes I look at them and I'm like what is going on? Should I just go short again? And other times like today, I'm like yezzz! They're falling in all the right places, framing my face just right. This could get really good. Keep loving them. They respond to love. They do.

Distracted 2
I haven't used foundation or powder since I came back from St. Croix. I was so low key and low maintenance and laid back. All I brought with me was like 7 or 8 maxi dresses, one pair of jeans, shorts and like to 2 blouses. There was no reason for rushing.

Focused
As Krishnamurti would say, being disciplined, is not about strained and obligatory focus. It's about being aware and paying attention. That's often harder to do then focusing because we all know what focusing is wrapped up in. Hard work, determination, nose to the grindstone, eyes on the prize. It's systemic and not sensitive or even tolerant of alternatives. It's what we were born into. But not all of us work hard. Not all of us have to. But I would like to venture further by say that none of us have to. We just think we do. And  that's all that's necessary to keep the gears grinding. Step outside of that machine and you find yourself in a world of trouble, yes worse trouble then you find just surviving in the machine. Because there's definitely no health coverage out there! LOL!

Focused 2
I never lose sight of the fact that I was totally ill prepared for life on the grid. My mom taught me at home and therefore had a great deal of control over what ideas went into developing the foundation of my world view. She also controlled about 90% of the food that entered my body. She didn't do processed or refined or dairy, cooked, salt or sugar. VEGAN!!! Plus she made food to take with us when we travelled. Oh I was sheltered. I was in a bubble I often peeked out from and variously never wanted to leave. And everybody had that bubble. You're outside of it but you never really leave it. In my case, life in the machine is and always has been vastly different from the bubble. But I am versatile, malleable, chameleon like. I can roll with it. I just can't accept it. And lately, it's occurred to me that that's okay as long as I'm willing to do something about it beside complain and whine and navel gaze about it. This would require some attention and awareness, some appreciation of what's right under my nose, the stuff we often quickly overlook because we're tripping all over selves to be the first to grab the ring. Some of us were meant to do that, to strive for the ring. And by all means, have at it. I'll be over here at Cafe Lenox waiting for you to arrive at the big cozy ass sofa meeting. I hope the ring is as pretty and shiny as it looks from here.

Before I return to "work"...

I feel like I have really accomplished a few things on this vacation. I mean first of all I never in my life thought I would swim in water well over my own height. I can't explain to you the fear I have of being in deep water. I think, well I know this fear comes from almost drowning in Barbados as a teenager. The ocean has a very real pull on me. My relationship with it is very spiritual. I can lose myself in water almost completely and that can be scary. But I cannot stay away from it. I simultaneously fear drowning in the ocean but want to submerge myself in it completely. However, almost immediately, Patrick, the waiter at Sand Castle on the Beach made fast friends with us and got us out for a group snorkeling excursion. I had my snorkel mask and flotation tube thing and I was like okay, but I'm not going out that far. Next thing I knew I was out that far on my own. If I had been coaxed, it never would have happened. I know that about myself. I simply felt comfortable and trusted the comfort. I also took to snorkeling immediately! Breathing through my mouth under water? YES PLEASE! The one day I had flippers on, you could not tell me I wasn't a fish! LOL! I was so happy down there in that underwater world. And bobbing around in clear blue water with your feet touching nothing feels amazing!

I also floated on my back for the first time ever the first day there, something else I've always been afraid of but longed to do! That had so much to do with how much I trust Francis and what a talent he has for making me feel safe. No pressure. Just floating. And it was frigging amazing! I floated every day and sometimes at night too! I love looking up at the sky with salt water in my ears. Just the sound of my easy breathing and the muffled movement of the sea rocking me. God, what a living metaphor for peace.

The next time I go to St. Croix I want to participate in a little more night life. This time was just for relaxation but every where we went were wonderful, lovely, helpful people inviting us out to bars and evening hotel shows. They were so sweet to us! Also I kind of wanted to see more of the local life but Fran was very cautious about not wandering off into the "bad" parts of town. I guess it was good he was there because I'm a damn wanderer. I wanna see everything. I see extreme beauty even in decay. I can't stand overly touristy areas. I need to feel history and sense the weight of age and time in buildings and towns. That's what I want more of.

In addition to going back to St. Croix again, I would love to visit St Kitts and Tortola and some other US and British Virgin Islands. I seriously need to get a grant to travel for like six months straight. I don't feel like people are meant to be in sedentary, immobile occupations for so long. I dread the office chair and the office bullshit. UGH!!

I have to start thinking about how I'm going to shape the life I want for myself, a life that includes more travel and exploration. My stress level right now is so low. *Sigh* Okay, I'm gonna breath and just try and breeze through these next three days. But it's becoming painfully apparent that I need a new scene and some unconventional methods of coming to it. I have a few in mind.

A Few Lines from Paradise

Since we landed in St. Croix on Monday, the general routine has been something like this.

8:30: Wake up for light complimentary breakfast by the beach. Have senses soothed into consciousness by a view of crystal clear blue waters, fluffy clouds and the sound of the surf rolling in and out. Yes, this is really happening.

9:30-10:00ish: Go take a nap for like half an hour or so to digest breakfast or watch Judge Mathis.

11:00ish: Go snorkeling for the first time for several hours in water well over 12 feet deep, learn to float on back. Feel like a mermaid. Swim with the fishes. Chat and laugh with sweetheart and best friend the whole time.

2:00ish: Another half hour nap.

3:00ish: Call Michael the hotel cab driver from Antigua to take us to  Christiansted or the St. George Botanical Garden.

5:30ish: Come back to resort, have dinner on the beach.

6:30ish: Half hour nap

7:00ish: NIGHT SMIMMING IN THE OCEAN! Floating under a sky full of stars until tired.

10:00: Sneak into the heated pool for half an hour.

10:30ish: Sleep arrives...

I haven't really been focused on anything else or focused period. I've just been being. It's so easy to do that here. I don't feel rushed, or stressed, nor the need to hurry up to go someplace I can't get away from fast enough. Everywhere I am I want to be. I will start to process later and get back to you. The crickets sound so nice tonight. That's all I know right now.