I feel like I have really accomplished a few things on this vacation. I mean first of all I never in my life thought I would swim in water well over my own height. I can't explain to you the fear I have of being in deep water. I think, well I know this fear comes from almost drowning in Barbados as a teenager. The ocean has a very real pull on me. My relationship with it is very spiritual. I can lose myself in water almost completely and that can be scary. But I cannot stay away from it. I simultaneously fear drowning in the ocean but want to submerge myself in it completely. However, almost immediately, Patrick, the waiter at Sand Castle on the Beach made fast friends with us and got us out for a group snorkeling excursion. I had my snorkel mask and flotation tube thing and I was like okay, but I'm not going out that far. Next thing I knew I was out that far on my own. If I had been coaxed, it never would have happened. I know that about myself. I simply felt comfortable and trusted the comfort. I also took to snorkeling immediately! Breathing through my mouth under water? YES PLEASE! The one day I had flippers on, you could not tell me I wasn't a fish! LOL! I was so happy down there in that underwater world. And bobbing around in clear blue water with your feet touching nothing feels amazing!
I also floated on my back for the first time ever the first day there, something else I've always been afraid of but longed to do! That had so much to do with how much I trust Francis and what a talent he has for making me feel safe. No pressure. Just floating. And it was frigging amazing! I floated every day and sometimes at night too! I love looking up at the sky with salt water in my ears. Just the sound of my easy breathing and the muffled movement of the sea rocking me. God, what a living metaphor for peace.
The next time I go to St. Croix I want to participate in a little more night life. This time was just for relaxation but every where we went were wonderful, lovely, helpful people inviting us out to bars and evening hotel shows. They were so sweet to us! Also I kind of wanted to see more of the local life but Fran was very cautious about not wandering off into the "bad" parts of town. I guess it was good he was there because I'm a damn wanderer. I wanna see everything. I see extreme beauty even in decay. I can't stand overly touristy areas. I need to feel history and sense the weight of age and time in buildings and towns. That's what I want more of.
In addition to going back to St. Croix again, I would love to visit St Kitts and Tortola and some other US and British Virgin Islands. I seriously need to get a grant to travel for like six months straight. I don't feel like people are meant to be in sedentary, immobile occupations for so long. I dread the office chair and the office bullshit. UGH!!
I have to start thinking about how I'm going to shape the life I want for myself, a life that includes more travel and exploration. My stress level right now is so low. *Sigh* Okay, I'm gonna breath and just try and breeze through these next three days. But it's becoming painfully apparent that I need a new scene and some unconventional methods of coming to it. I have a few in mind.
