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It's been a tough week, a really tough week. And I know that there are countless people who have it so much worse of than me, people who are suffering, dying, being tortured in unspeakable ways every day. I know that. But sometimes I just don't get it. I just don't get that this is really living, this mindless, day to day, tedious, mind numbing, soul destroying grind. And sometimes I just wanna disappear until my heart comes back. Because right now, it's really buried under a layer of anger, defense, cynicism, selfishness and other horrible things.

This morning one of my co-workers was raving to me about how nice the Bryant Park Bathroom was compared to the one we have here. I totally agreed with her. It is the best kept secret in New York! There are fresh flowers, music, revolving seat covers, a 24 hour cleaning staff. She said that with the demoralized condition in office (it's been this way for almost a year) the Bryant Park bathroom really cheered her up! And I know exactly what she meant. But do you see where I'm going with this? We're talking about a fucking clean bathroom!!!!! I mean these are the basics folks!! The little things that get you through the day. And lately too many of those little basic things have been going haywire in this place and I'm just sort of raw. I'm on edge. I don't know what's next.