Everything in It's Right Place

I was in S.O.B.s at a Bilal concert standing with Francis’ friend Christian. I was standing there in the dark wearing my long wool winter coat with the Ray Bans that Wayne had given me in the left breast pocket. I think that Wayne and I were broken up at the time. I’m not sure but for someone who was really not in the mood to be at a concert, I wasn’t having a terrible time. Every once in awhile I would look over at Francis who had invited me and who was standing several feet away dancing with his girlfriend. He would smile at me that just checking to see if you’re okay over there kind of smile. It was a very warm and genuine smile not something I thought existed anymore. When the band that backed Bilal stared playing Radiohead’s “Everything in it’s Right Place” I went crazy inside. And when I looked up at Francis I could see that he was just as jazzed as I was. To be able to share my joy with him at that moment probably saved my life although I didn’t realize it at the time.

The rest of that night was just horrible for me. I lost my Ray Bans in the crowd somehow on the way out but I reacted to it as if I’d lost my best friend. I felt terrible for being such a bad companion to Christian but there was nothing I could do. I remember fighting back tears on the train ride uptown with all of them. I go off at Lincoln Square just to get away and go cry my eyes out by the water. I cried like I had lost everything I ever had and I’ll never really understand what that was all about but I think it had something to do with being depressed because I didn’t want to be break up with him, but I had to. He wasn't right for me and I knew that. The guy for me was on the uptown train.