Orange

It was through the lens of my camera
That I suddenly opened my eyes to autumn,
That the secrets in the heart of a dying leaf
Unfolded inside the brief shutter release,
And injected these shades of orange.
Colors that danced in the hearts of bonfires
I had always passed over for Spring
But one day the dying of Summer was for me
Like a fire, which lay everywhere singing.
Like a fire which lay in gutters and parks
On sidewalks and brownstone steps,
Were the voices of colors that burst open and soared
colors that receded and slept.
Autumn leaves a trail of melancholy sunsets
As keep sakes at my feet.
They reach out with bold humility
Inspiring me to behold and retreat.
With undulating complexities beyond my grasp
They usher in a blinding white
Devoid of any complexity at all
And as thick as any night.

-Zenzile Greene
10/25/12

Pinterest Junkie

I'm just going to jump straight into the fact that Pinterest has become my new favorite distraction. Every time I'm on pinterest, I find something new I want to try in arts and crafts or DIY and even new recipes. Personally I have exactly 44 boards at the moment. Omigod. I have 44 boards? That's ridiculous. That's just stupid. Well anyway I do. They range from the substantial, inspirational and artistic to the odd, superficial and insipid.

My top 5 personal faves are:

Life with Blythe
Obamarama
Locs Locs and Locs
He's Sexy
Crafty

 Big Dris!!! my shrine board to Idris Elba deserves an honorary mention. Obviously all my boards are my favorites but these in particular bring me great joy to curate and maintain and share. I also love to see what the people I follow pin and the pattern of things that get pinned repeatedly in certain categories. It really is one big giant cycle or never ending pinning. I mean it can get a bit overwhelming, but fortunately, I do have some discipline and I usually know what I'm looking for when I get on, even if it is just for a quick escape. Sometimes I'm pinning away on one or two boards and other times I'm looking at what my fave pinners are up to or sharing pins with others. Locs Locs and Locs is so uplifting for me. The amount of styles, colors, textures, lengths and decoration that people have created with Locked hair is endlessly inspiring to me especially since this is my fourth time around  locking my hair and it is such different experience than ever before. It's a very different journey at this stage in my life and it helps me a lot to see the diversity of styles reflected on pinterest. Locs are so much a reflection of the inner spirit and I've never seen any two people with locs that look identical. I just really love them.

 Obamarama is my great joy. I mean for me just seeing the Obama's sharing their lives together and engaging with people all over the world, makes me smile every time. I just look at this board and feel very light and wonderful. I imagine that this must be what it was like for women who were obsessed with the Kennedys at that time.  Well this is my Camelot. And good or bad policies, the Obamas are a beautiful family. Their legacy will be even larger and more far reaching in years to come.

I don't need to explain He's Sexy do I? It's basically shameless ogling of my favorite male celebs past and current. But I also created another subcategory of fine males on a board called Bearded Men Are Sexier
because I really do love a beard or some shadow. Yeah. So there's that.

Life with Blythe is an homage to my deep, vast, photographic otherworld obsession with Kenner's giant headed, big eyed 1970s Blythe Doll who was a failure in the children's toy market but who somehow became a cult sensation among adult women, who dabbled in past times involving, art, sewing, design, photography or just hoarding. LOL! And if they were not dabbling in these areas, somehow Blythe inspires them to do so. It sounds crazy but it's true. She's a creative muse.

So basically Pinterest brings all things visually representative with you in common together in one place and feeds it continuously through a growing network or other pinners. It's kind of sick, kind of genius, kind of like so many things on the internet. I enjoy it thoroughly.

Dearest Linda

Linda in the light

I have a habit of taking photos of people without their knowledge. I feel I get a purer recorded sense of them this way. Obviously there are people who don't like this. As a photographer and an artist it is my duty to get at the truth. So I do it anyway. Nothing worth having is achieved without risk.

I took this photo of Linda from behind probably last year. When I look at it, I always think to myself that this is Linda shortly after her mother passed away. She is standing in the doorway of my supervisor, Nelly's office. I was experimenting with an at the time new filter in the hipstamatic photo app on my phone. I liked the light that was coming in around her through Nelly's office. You can't see Linda's face, only her back and the back of her head. It's not a spectacular photo but I have always kept it in my library of photos on my phone because for me, it was special.

I also have a thing about people's backs. People's backs are vulnerable. We can't watch our own backs. They are unguarded parts of ourselves that reveal things we cannot hide. I like the backs of people. There is a shadow there and a reflection. I think in my mind I always thought that one day I would share this photo with Linda and let her try and guess when it was taken. Maybe over after work drinks, or at one the birthday lunches she threw every other month or maybe even at a staff meeting when no one was looking. But she'll never know I took that photo now. She'll never know it existed. She'll be ashes by tomorrow.

She wanted to be cremated and she didn't want anyone to know that she had cancer. I knew but was sworn to secrecy and I respected her wishes, but held what I knew like a stone in my heart. Still I never thought she would go so soon. She passed this morning I was told. And I still do not believe it. Not really. I can't. I can't even really write more about it because it's just too sudden.

To be gone, to be so finally absolutely gone and never returning. How can that be? Linda was...Linda was my co-worker. A fiery Aries woman, a teacher, sister, daughter, comedian, reluctant singer and probably many other things I don't know. To me she was hilarious, complaining, testy, irritating, warm, stylish, a great gift giver, genuine, a wonderful person to talk about films with, lively, dedicated, thorough, and irreplaceable. And now gone. But not really gone.

We all got together at the restaurant in the lobby after shutting the office down and just talked about her and had drinks in her honor. I had a dirty martini with olives and fries which was somehow the perfect combination. We pulled together and shared our memories of her it was really nice, quite a change. But my head hurts right now and I'm in a sort of lost place of my own with a lot of questions. I wanted to go for a walk in the park afterwards but the sky looked like it was about to shed it's own tears so I headed home where I didn't want to go. And tomorrow is another day.
Another day.

I dreamt of Michelle...

I don’t dream much lately. Or rather I don’t remember my dreams. Maybe it’s because I’ve been so feverishly sick for the past week or so. Or maybe it’s just because Michelle’s speech last night hit me in all the right places. But I had a dream about her last night or a dream about me with her in it. The details are not important. It was a direct result of listening to her talk about her husband last night. Because I felt so much love and honesty, that’s what I felt reflected back in my simple dream.

Listening to Michelle talk about how much she loves her husband really did something for my heart to hear.  I’m not a person who has ever been into politics but I do consider myself to be somebody who can detect the element of performance in most political speeches. Naturally Michelle has the advantage of not being a presidential candidate behind her. Yet still, she could try to sell us just as much as anyone else. Clinton was great at performing in his speeches. You knew you were going to end up with a bridge to nowhere but his charming delivery and cadence were very effective even if he was rarely ever honest. It’s like when you watch a comedian do a really funny bit for the first time and then you see them do it over and over again on late night talk shows as if it was the first time every time. At some point you get it.  They’re either good at it or they’re not but ultimately it’s a performance.

Well Michelle sold me. And I daresay she hardly seemed to be putting on a show last night at least not by my estimation.  She seemed to be doing a job, which she believes in 100% and her public speaking abilities have always been top notch. She was at the top of her game last night.  Maybe it’s because I’m a woman. Maybe it’s because I’m a black woman. Maybe it’s because I’m a black woman who loves a black man. If that’s the case than I hope all black women were as moved by her love and dedication, pride, determination and trust as I was.

I can’t even say with complete confidence that I believe in Barack as much as I do in Michelle.  I’m just being honest. His hands are tied somewhat due to the same prejudicial factors that have shaped racism since the first slave boat touched these shores. However if Michelle were in the running for President I would go out campaigning from door to door! This country is hardly ready for that yet which is part of a major problem this country has with black women in general and which I can’t begin to go into here. However if this is the role we find Michelle in at this time in history, I WILL TAKE IT! Because she just brings it so hard! She is affecting history every day with every positive thing she does and says. She is strong and graceful and smart and beautiful and brave and no nonsense. She loves her husband and her family the way so many women all over the world do but her experience reflects these important values in a way this country has tried so hard for hundreds of years never to let the world see. They have been fearful and hateful and envious of black people loving other black people, and of black people being proud of other black people.  Well, the cat’s out of the bag. And who better to reveal what we have known for countless years?

That’s why Michelle showed up in my dream, very simply, very regally and yet down to earth, very nurturing and full of confidence, humor and intelligence.  I don’t believe in politicians but I believe in her. And that may be enough.

My Random iPhone Notes Day 4

My Random iPhone Notes Day 3

My Random iPhone Notes. Day #2