A Hair Story

Friday morning I went to get my hair cut by Ketlie a student at the John Atchison Salon on Madison Ave. My relationship with my hair in its natural state has been very unbalanced. I have had a hell of a time finding any current or stable resources for exactly how to take care of African American hair that is not processed,relaxed or in a weave.

The woman who gave me the card for J.A. referred me because she had a short natural like my own. I was flattered that she would dig around in her bag for me and really liked the shape of her natural cut so I called to make an appointment right away. Plus, it was free and I’ve needed a trim for a while now since my go to Barber Shop, West African Barbers, closed months ago.

Ketlie at the John Athchison Salon


Since this was a student cut, it took a few hours and was done very thoroughly because it had to be monitored by John Atkinson himself, a tall older African American man who did the hair of at least two other older women while Ketlie was cutting my hair.

I have to be honest, as long as I’ve had my hair short; I still get really nervous when I go for a trim. I get scared that I’m going to have to start all over again. It’s like so many things about myself I need to maintain. Taking care of yourself is not easy, and I feel as if the diagnosis of my hair is always the same: damaged. It’s dry, there’s breakage, and I need to deep condition more often. I feel like I’ve done all these things to no avail but perhaps I haven’t been patient enough with myself. Washing my face and moisturizing every night is really paying off. Perhaps the hair regimen Ketlie recommended for me will pan out as well.

My Latest Shape
Since it took literally hours to have my hair done, shampoo and conditioning included, I picked up a magazine at some point and wouldn’t you know I stumbled upon an article written by a white woman who cut her hair really short as well?

She said her boyfriend was pretty clear that he didn’t like it and although they broke up they are still good friends. It was clear that this bothered her but also that she wasn’t willing to change her hair for him. Every once in a while I would look up into the station mirror watching as my hair got shorter and shorter. I told myself, this is me. Why am I so afraid to see myself?

Ketlie told me that she was getting ready to cut all her hair off as well, that she’d been growing out her processed hair in preparation. She said she really liked the look and thought it was very feminine. I thought it made me look a little bit like Max Headroom or Grace Jones but instead of being pessimistic I decided to indulge in her genuine enthusiasm. I really trusted her and I could tell that she knew what she was doing. When she was done, she gave me a list of all the things she had recommended I use.


Fortunately, having had short hair for a few years now, I no longer go into shock over getting a haircut. I realize that it is something others have to adjust to but for me it’s just a slight change. Ketlie asked me what my fiancée thought and I told her he was very open minded and thought it was cute when I cut my hair. I realize that I get a lot of my hair confidence from him. I honestly think I’d be a wreck if I were with some guy who associated femininity with long flowing locks only. Because of Francis, this part of my self-image is greatly altered. He really only wants me, not some idea of me. I can’t tell you how liberating that it, how rare. I still struggle with a lot of aspects of how I look and feel, to almost a crippling degree at times but being with someone who accepts so much of me gives me the idea that all of that struggle is a waste of time.

Taking care for ourselves through exercise, eating right, getting fresh air and bathing frequently is a basic requirement but for women so much of the extra maintenance of “beauty” can be a slow ride to insanity because it is based in so much illusion. Knowing that, however, doesn’t always make it any easier to deal with.

Womanly VS Sexy

This weekend I was in bed with my laptop in the morning watching “Witness” one of my favorite movies. I bought the special edition DVD last week so that I could see the documentary on the making of. The director, Peter Wier spoke about the difficulty of casting the Amish female lead part. He said that he screened several young girls who were attractive enough but too hip for the part and who were quote “Sexy but not womanly.” That really impressed me. He said that when he thought of the word womanly, Italian women came to mind. And so they sent the casting director to Italy to find someone. By then Kelly McGillis had already arrived on the set and nailed it. The differentiation between womanly and sexy really grabbed me and I guess I was just also pleased to hear that a man really appreciated that or even noticed the difference. It was one of the many appealing aspects of Kelly McGillis’ portrayal of an Amish woman. Everything that women usually add to themselves in order to complete the image of “woman” in their mind is stripped away in Amish culture. It lets you see a woman as she is. The sexy part, which I believe is a social construction parlayed into a pervasive marketing tool to which I claim no considerable resistance is like the additives and preservatives found in pure food. Sensuality which I believe is natural is not exactly the same as sexiness. And womanliness is something else again. Apparently, according to Weir not all women are womanly just by default of being female. I began to wonder about the women I know who I feel are womanly and what that might mean to me.

Drill, Drill, Drill By Eve Ensler

Reading this, I was reminded of the sick churning in my own stomach as I watched and listened to the RNC crowd begin chanting "Drill drill drill!" I couldn't really believe that I was witnessing something so akin to a lynch mob broadcast for millions to see and still have yet to hear from any mass media about how fucking horrifying the implications of that truly were. So reading this piece by Ensler gave me some consolation. Because ladies, it's lights out on our rights if Palin and McCain make it into the White House. Are we really about to let this happen? And what does that mean? What does that say about us as a nation?

Drill, Drill, Drill

“I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club
where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice.
Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar
bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, 'It was a task from God.'

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they
have their rapist's baby or not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It
will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.

If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, 'Drill Drill Drill.' I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?”

-Eve Ensler
From The Huffington Post