Prepare to Just Let Go

Prepare to just let go. Someone should have told me this when I first started loc'ing my hair. They call it a journey for a reason. As much as you may try to manipulate your baby locs, they are going to do whatever they want to do. They are going to be fuzzy and all over the place. The beginning months may frustrate you to no end and the best way to rid yourself of that frustration? Leave them alone.
-Curly Nikki 
"Things to think about before you loc"

Did I Mention I'm Starting My Locks Again?
Now you wanna see photos right? Well no photos. Maybe one day.

This is my third time starting my locks and let me tell you. It is so different from the last time I started them as a skinny, proud, eclectic, footloose and fancy free teenager in high school. The things I associated with locks in those days seem to be long gone along with my skinniness, delusions, and not to mention thick healthy hair which I took for granted I would always have. This is a whole different journey. I am juggling so many other things at the same time I'm doing this and many of those things are insecurities and doubts that often get so big, they're ridiculous. What do locks mean to me now. Is it just about a style? Has this just become another way to be like, I want that status? I want my locks to look just like that, no, like those! What happened to me?

So that's why I'm trying real hard not to be hard on myself. I'm trying real hard not to twist the heck out of my newborn locks and let them become what they're going to become and not judge my locks so harshly the way I never did as a teenager. I mean as a woman of color, I have always had hair issues. I even wrote an article about it in New Youth Connections while I was in High School. But my locks were totally liberating for me and I was completely satisfied with how they turned out, never thought they were ugly or wondered if other people thought they were ugly. Now I have a whole other set of insecurities that I deal with that to a large degree are about other people's perceptions which I know I shouldn't even give a shit about. Which is why I really love going to events populated dominantly with people of color every once in a while which is another thing I did more often when I was younger.  I was raised attending cultural functions on a regular basis. There was no question.

Black people are so beautiful, so creative, so resourceful, so funky, so amazing, if we could just get it together and love ourselves and each other more, there is nothing we couldn't do. Of course then we'd have a war on our hands because this is exactly what white people don't want but it would be totally worth it.

As for me, I am going to take Curly Nikki's advice and leave it alone. The journey is actually really interesting when I'm not fussing and obsessing. My hair looks different every morning and changes throughout the day. Isn't that what every woman wants? Well, that's what this woman wants anyway.