Hipstamatic Addict

Different Lenses

Today I bought an iPhone. Not so fast! The 3GS. Not the G4.  The main reason I wanted the iPhone, really the only reason, is the Hipstamatic camera app that includes many retro print filters which I fell in love with months ago. After much research to be absolutely sure the app was not available for my phone and after seeing way too many compelling hipstamatic pics on flickr I knew I had only one choice. Not a hard one to make since I've always loved iPhones anyway but a bit of a challenge with all the G4 hoopla going around making me feel kind of lame for not wanting to run out and get it like everyone else. But the bottom line is, I was not in the mood for disappointment, I am broke and I don't need a G4. But do I need Hipstamtic.

So I coolly made my way over to the AT&T store near my job during lunch this afternoon and bought the last 8gig 3GS they had! Fate? I believe so.  I am loving it. LOOOOVING IT! Okay, how can I explain this to people who don't spend every day taking pictures? I don't know if I can. Basically hipstamatic is the digital equivalent to carrying around a ton of analog camera equipment.  Hipstamatic allows you to change lens, film and frames for variation of analog compositions reminiscent of your old family pictures from the as far back as the 30s. I mean it can look anyway you want it to look but generally the idea around Hipstamatic is to recreate an essentially analog film look.

Again I have to remark on how fucking ironic that is! All these technological advances, megabytes, gigabytes, terabytes, touch screens and face chats and they make an app that sends you right back in time. I LOVE THAT KIND OF SHIT!!!!

Fun is waiting...

Anyway, I took so many pics when I got home, not to mention the ones I took at work that I had to charge my phone a few hours ago. When that's done, I'll be futzing around with it for few more hours. There's something about old pictures that make me feel all warm and melancholy and indescribable inside. I think that personally, this is the result of a feeling of loss in these times of something, anything sacred. Somewhere in that yellowing, washed out tint, in that haunting vignetting is the remembrance of a feeling, an idea albeit illusive that comforts me, charms me, sets me down.

The Second World

It is kind of a juggling act having two flickr accounts but as a typical Gemini, it is often necessary for me to experiment with duality or rather to have two or more of everything I really like, such as cameras, journals, blogs facebook pages,etc. You get the idea.

It's important to me to get a critical sense of my photography outside of the world of "It's so cute! She's so cute, that's so cute" doll land. Not that I don't take that photography just as seriously but I need more serious feedback in order to challenge myself.

At first my "The Wandering Eye" account felt a little lonely. My Zanalee account is securely established in a gigantic and probably growing community of well established doll collectors, craftswomen, photographers and just really cool people who pay attention to my work, constantly comment, respond to questions in group pools and are very supportive and fun, full of humor and creativity. In turn I love looking at their stuff and commenting on their amazing pictures. I have almost a hundred, if not more contacts, people whose work I look forward to seeing, whose clothes I love to look at and buy and people whose photographic aesthetic always blow me away. But in the world of Blythe, it all really comes down to her, not you. That's cool, but I also really just want to have a space for non- Blythe pictures where I can start to explore and expand my photographic voice again.

Early in my Zanalee flickr career I became a huge fan of a Baltimore photographer named "boyghost". I was incredibly inspired by his stuff. Personally, I'd just never seen anything like it and I was constantly moved by the composition and subtle unforced details of his work. He's one of the main reasons I wanted to get my Nikon D60.

Almost immediately upon opening my T.W.E. account, I discovered a photographer named "setsuna" who takes just some of them most amazing nature photos I have ever seen. It's not that she just takes a picture of something beautiful in nature which is relatively easy enough to do, but she shapes a way of seeing in that is incredibly intuitive and ethereal without being overly reverent or imitative.

View from Belvedere's Castle


This week she left a nice comment on the picture I took shown above which is great. I harassed her a little bit about her technique and printing so I'm glad I haven't scared her off. I also got a few other comments/criticisms from others this week, so I'm really happy about that. I need it and it's really wonderful to be able to do that on flickr, especially given how difficult it is to get people together to do this sort of thing in real time. Although at some point I would love to do that as well. Flickr just allows you to access work and present your work in such a diverse and freeing way. You're really traveling all over the world when you look at pictures, and not just geographic or proximal worlds, but inner, emotional and sensory worlds. Familiarity with strangers. Not so strange really.
: )

Lensbaby Cometh

Apparently, I will have a lensbaby long before I have a real baby. Lensbaby is a set of three dynamic lens attachments for the digital camera that allow the photographer to create all sorts of beautiful, unique effects! My dad just emailed the info to me on the B&H Camera website. I am sooooo excited!! This could really move my look of work in totally new direction! I love camera tricks, and focal isolation and blur enhancements! OH!!! I want it now. I won't go into too much detail. I'll just show you what I come up with when I get the lenses.

There are three different kinds, The Composer, The Muse and The Control Freak. Each one gives a different effect when attached to the camera body as a lens and each lens has additional attachments, which enhance their effects even further like the Lensbaby creative aperture kit! Omigod, I can't even explain how fucking amazing this is.

In other news, I'm constantly on flickr, posting pictures, commenting on pictures, responding to comments on pictures, contacts and generally talking to people I've never met about photography, technique and Blythe doll obsession. Recently I was looking at the profile of a young lady, age eighteen who spends as much money as I do on impractical photo props. I like reading people's flickr profiles. Sometimes they are very insightful and will tell you little bit more about what they like about taking pictures and how it relates to their lives. Hers was very short and simple and frankly included way too much mention of unicorns and bubbles for my taste but in the last sentence, she says "Basically, when I'm alone, I'm off in my own little world." That one sentence described me totally when I was a little girl and frankly, still describes me now.

When I'm alone, I slip easily into my own little world and to be honest that little world is pretty big. It's why I need so much alone time. I've never really felt alone when I'm alone which may be interpreted as crazy in some circles and dysfunctional behavior for a child. My mom always worried that I preferred to play by myself and not with other kids. But I wasn't lonely. Get me? And I can never really explain how that works. I just know I'm not "alone" in that feeling. I think many of the women I've connected with on flickr are like this and that photography allows us to sort of bring back artifacts from that inner world in a creative, inspiring and functional way. It's not something I've ever really thought about as weird until recently, mostly because it was never discouraged in me but as I get older I find that I have to consciously juggle the act of being a "public me" with the "real me" which is just slightly more complex. It makes me wonder if what is more easily accepted is more "normal." But when I see what the majority of people define as "normal" it often seems like what I define as crazy, so I just embrace what makes me me feel good and the company of people who allow me to be "myself" and go with that. And when all else fails I just go off by myself into my own little world.

Why I Do This

On flickr I am a member of exactly seventy seven photography groups. Because my interests in photography are so vast I like to be updated on various kinds of photographic projects and discussions. About twelve of these groups are for photographers of the Blythe Doll. There's one called "Save Polaroid," a group only for pictures of green things, "Food Porn," graffiti, one for black and white Photos only,one called "The Jump Project" which is just pictures of people jumping. I really need to start on my jump photos, but I find that adults don't jump as readily as children and I think that's why it's taken me so long to get started.

What happens in a flickr photo group is that the moderator controls the flow of content that is added by members each day and creates rules for submission and discussion. You get to share your work and look at others, comment on work and receive feedback, advice or whatever you might be curious about. You also get a running update whenever someone in your group posts something new. It's a dream for me. I sometimes get so preoccupied with browsing someone's photo stream on flickr for hours. I may log on looking for one thing and get pulled in a totally random direction into a whole other world I had not intended to explore. Seeing other people's work and responding to their feedback is what inspires me to do more.

Recently I read a discussion thread on flickr in my "Arms Length Self Portrait Experience Group" under the subject heading "Why We Do this." A woman doing a self portrait project wanted to see if there was a pattern behind the reasoning for this particular type of photography. Sixty-one people responded with some really interesting answers. I replied with my answer first before I read them all. The following responses were my favorite.

Anonymous
I don't see myself in the mirror, I don't know who I am, so it's always a surprise when I take a picture and look at myself in a different context. I look at pictures of other people all day, every day, always analyzing, so when I see a picture of myself it constantly baffles me. I guess it's a little bit cruel to myself, but occasionally I like what I see and that's when it's fun.

Anonymous2
I think it's weird that people take photos of other people, but don't put as much value as taking photos of yourself. You're just as important as the people you're taking photos of. It doesn't matter if you like photos of yourself or not-- chances are, someone (kids, grandkids, relatives, friends) might wish they had more photos of you someday.

Anonymous3
I have always hated to have my picture taken, even more so now that I am older and have gained weight. I finally decided to take control of the situation and photograph myself. It was a therapeutic undertaking. If I was to title my portrait I would call it "essence"; as I see it as the essence of myself. It is who I see in the mirror, but not who I see in the photographs taken of me up until this point. This sounds terribly narcissistic, but it is actually a rediscovery of myself, after years of neglect.

Anonymous4
I like to see me from a different point of view. It is like when you hear a record of your voice and you say "hey, thats not me!!", but all other people recognize you.
Pictures remind me the world sees me in a different way than I do.

Anonymous5
Because none of my friends are able to capture me the way I want to be captured. If it sounds selfish, well... aren't we all?
And it's always fun to see how different your mirror-image compared to your camera-image can be!


Anonymous6
For me it is a way to express, catalog/contain, and reflect on some of the infinite faces/emotions/personas that float across the surface of my being continuously. it's like stopping time, or the process of living, and being able to hold on to something so complex and mysterious on a scrap of paper or a computer screen... somehow that helps me understand just what it is i am experiencing.

also, i have a rotten memory.

and, though i have figured little in my life out by this point, i feel the
most "in" my body and life that i have ever been. i feel beautiful and challenged, and i want to be able to look back on how i made it through all this difficult and wonderous life stuff, and be able to share it with those i love, and perhaps beyond them with the larger world, which is currently so entrenched in the struggle.

i want to be a light in the darkness, but first i have to find my own path and turn on all the lights!

(this was written b4 coffee and is full of the beginning of thoughts)

My response was:

I think self portraits are a scary, challenging and honest way to take a look at yourself, both aesthetically and emotionally. Personally I only really like pictures of myself taken by me because I know what I want to see or am trying to capture. Other times, things come up that I have no control over, that I didn't even know were there. I find these things fascinating sometimes. They can also be a lot of fun on occasion.

The Secret Life of Toys

When my brother and I were little we used to play with his action figures everywhere we went which meant that a lot of their adventures took place among large rocks, twigs, dirt, lakes, trees, grass, flowers and leafy plant in New York and in Trinidad. This picture by JD Hancock on Flickr reminds me of that incredible time during childhood when the situations I created in my imagination were larger than life.

More New Clothes for Emily Blythe

And a new hair-do...

So far I've bought all my Blythe Clothes from Etsy artists. I'm pretty sure the doll clothes they sell at Toy R Us are not very compatible. But sometimes I do wonder if there's a little store somewhere that sells Blythe clothes. If they did though, I'm sure they wouldn't be as unique and imaginative as these. These are by Hilary Wagstaff in London

So far, they all fit her to a T. Most have snap buttons in the back and they're so tiny! I like to imagine someone sewing tiny teeny Blythe clothes all day! The next item I want to get her this killer crochet top made by someone whose work I saw on flickr this week on my hunt for a Black Blythe for sale. I get distracted so easily. It's fukin adorable!

I also think I have Emily Blythe's sister pretty much picked out. She's made by Ashton Drake as well and fortunately is comfortably within my budget. Three Blythe Dolls is my limit. Her sis is a redhead I found on ebay but she has bangs so she looks slightly more commercial. I don't think it's too soon.

Yatahbazah

Got up at 10:00am this morning and completed a 20 page memoir essay for my Urban Voices class. I guess I decided to reward myself by looking at Blythe photography on yatabazah's flickr account. This guy has to be a little off. His pictures are just so amazing. Then I googled him and discovered he has a website. He's like a Blythe engineer, literally. He makes custom Blythe dolls, gives them human hair and customizes Blythe dolls of color.

Hello, and welcome to my life.

Got Blythe?

I purchased a Blythe Doll last night on ebay. I have not paid for it yet but I have committed to buy it. I was not completely sober when I did this but I have wanted a Blythe Doll for years now and I thought long and hard about this before I hit that “buy it now” button. She’s not an original Kenner make but those are really expensive and I think if I invested that kind of money in a doll it would be one, kind of freakish and two, I would never want to take her out of the box. I’m not like that. I mean I do have resale value in mind but I like to play with my dolls. Also I will be shooting the hell out of this doll. She will be with me EVERYWHERE! Okay, sorry. That was unnecessary, but it has suddenly made me remember one of the many main purposes of dolls in general. Not only to live out our fantasies through and dress up in different outfits and practice being social with but also to be companions right? I still have teddy bears in my apartment: Darby Rootbear, Graham and forgive me but I can’t remember the third one’s name. I don’t socialize with them much anymore but I take them and all dolls as a matter of fact just as seriously as I did when I was eight. Yeah. I’m that guy.

When we were little, whenever I got a new Barbie, the tradition was that my brother and I (that’s right. He may not admit it but my bro played Barbie with me and he was pretty good at it) would have one or two reps from my Barbie community “drive to the airport” to pick up the new Barbie (she would be a cousin or relative or something) and introduce her to the neighbors. Boy friends’ heads would turn, jealousy over her new clothes and hairdo would ensue. Best friends and enemies would be made. It was great.

Obviously I will do nothing of the sort with Blythe. I mean I have some dignity for Gods sake. But she will be a muse of sorts. I will dress her up, pose her and make her talk to Francis who is seriously freaked out by her. I was searching furiously for a black Blythe doll but I couldn’t find any on sale just these amazing pictures of her on flickr. I couldn’t post any of them because of the copyright.

I hope you like big old heads and big haunting eyes because when my Blythe arrives you’ll be seeing a lot of her. I hear she’s bit of a diva but I’ll try not to let her take over.

Flickring Away

It's 1:04am. I'm on flickr. Boyghost has left like three really cool and helpful comments on some of my pics and I am both honored and embarrassed to be honored. I'm also deliriously tired. But I can't seem to turn in just yet. The thing is he notices stuff in my pictures that I don't even notice, like the identical water towers in the picture above that I took earlier today. That's why I need his feedback! Because of stuff like that. And at the same time I worry occasionally that I might be getting to influenced, or even developing a censor when I shoot. I don't think it's a real concern yet though. I still love looking at other people's stuff. I have to look at other people's stuff. My pictures are no different than my writing. Sometimes I'm just to close to them and I get crazy and need to step back or I get bored or stuck. But when I see the amazing stuff people do on Flickr I'm reanimated! I just get so inspired.

I was at ICP on Friday after work. They had a fashion photography exhibit and Fridays are pay what you wish day for museums in NYC. I wasn't really into it though. The pictures were way too high concept, bursting with color and harsh digital effects. I liked some of the older stuff but mostly I liked the black and white stuff in the ICP collections room, pictures from what seemed like the 20s and 30s. After about an hour I wandered out and into the gift shop. I walked over to photo essays and reached for a Richard Avedon book but decided to go for an interesting looking book just one spine to the right. It had no title and was covered in this wierd plastic lace pattern. It was called "Jesus and the Cherries" by Jessica Backhaus. They were a collection of very plain very quietly profound color photographs of families, their homes and neighborhoods in Germany. She has an amazing eyes for the natural composition and beauty of everyday things. Her color detail is amazing, really makes you rethink the whole idea of photography and what makes an interesting photograph.

Fan Mail

I finally broke down and wrote Boyghost and email about the technique he used to achieve the intensity of his black and white pictures. He wrote me back today!

Here is the email I sent:

"I'm a great admirer of your pictures and I I noticed that you have a lot of black and white shots taken with a Nikon SLR. The one thing I really miss about shooting with my Nikon D60 is not being able to shoot in Black in white because as far as I can tell I am unable to set color options on it the way I was with able to my Nikon Coolpix which also had a Sepia and Cyanotype setting. Are the black and white shots you take in color to begin with or is there a black and white setting on your camera or do you just transfer it to black and white in post production? Your BW shots are so good I can't imagine that they were once color."


And here is his reply. He's nice! : )

"First of all, thanks very much for your very kind message.
I truly do appreciate getting feedback like this, and it
keeps me going out and taking the shots I do.

On to your question, I actually shoot all my shots in
color. The secret is to shoot in the Vivd+ or More Vivid
mode on the Nikon DSLRs and then convert to black and white
later. This way, you'll get lots of nice contrast in your
shots that translate very well into dark and moody black
and white photos. I personally use href="http://www.gimp.org">The GIMP to do most of my
b&w conversions, usually by using a script that emulates
the natural tones of some of the better black and white
films. You could also just use the channel mixer and the
curves/level tools to really up the contrast and tones of
your shots...

I hope this helps!

Cheers,
bg"

Boyghost Envy

Its official. Boyghost is my photography idol. And that's probably not a good thing. But there it is. Haruki Murakmai is one of my favorite authors. Boyghost on flickr is one of my favorite photographers. I've been scrolling through his pictures using Cooliris for almost half an hour now. Each picture is even better, more interesting, subtle, poetic and expertly composed than the next! When I think about it now, I realize that he's the reason I wanted to get the Nikon D60 in the first place. I'd seen a bokeh shot he'd done and flipped! I had to know how to do that and what camera he used. I was convinced it had to be his equipment that turned out such amazing work. But I can see now, that it's not. Some people can make masterpieces with a box, a mirror and some film.

He's just got a way of capturing the majesty, the mood of quiet spaces, loneliness and childlike curiosity. Also, the titles he gives his photos like "Won't let go"and "Never you mind" or the "A place in time" the title of the picture shown above, really add a lot to the viewing experience because it really makes me wonder what these pictures mean to him. I read his profile. He's got nothing but glowing testimonials. He's a Baltimore area photographer. His relationship status is "taken" and oh! He's on FACEBOOK. Excuse me...I'll be right back!

Imagine

I was just looking through Barack Obama's Flickr account which I've been doing every week since Election day and I came across this picture. Can you imagine what it would be like being a child of color at a time like this. I mean my God! What promise! What hope! For these children, the election of Obama as the President is living proof of what is possible for them! Young black boys! What! I mean honestly, just imagine, if you are a person of color, being like 9 or 10 or eleven right now. Maybe you don't really know all the details about our horrible economy, or the millions dying in a war far from here or all the reasons, but you don't need to. You can feel the change in the adults around you, in the way the media covers this occasion, in the covers of the papers and magazines and the conversations in school. Someone who looks like you has recently become the President of The United States. He has two daughters around the same age as you and they will make there new home in the White House. Their mother is a woman with style and grace who does the fist bump with her husband, is strong, brave, intelligent and her own unique sense of style! Imagine being a child right now. My best friend in Philly was telling me how her daughter (she's around about 9 or 10 now?) on overhearing a reporter on television say that next time we could have a female president, responded by saying that maybe next time it could be a black woman and then she asked her mom, how old you have to be to be the president. This was in an email she wrote me and I just started crying at this point. I'm a little emotional right now just remembering it.

Flickring Away

I have about three or four packages waiting in my living room to be opened. Most of them I ordered, although I always forget what I ordered by the time it gets to me. One of them, from my BFF in Philly (Thanks V!) arrived just today. I thought I would have sat right down and start opening them like a kid on Christmas Day but I got side tracked on line when I checked out posts on my flickr page. I happened upon boyghost's stuff and it's been almost half an hour now since I came in, undressed and dumped all my stuff on the ground. I love photography. It's one of my great loves next to writing, reading and movies.

Flickr is one the best sites for photo viewing and sharing by people who really like pictures in my opinion anyway. I can get lost for hours looking at other people's work. I am in awe of how pictures tell a story and how, like poetry, you can come away with a completely different interpretation then the author, or photographer in this case, intended. Pictures, in many cases are more immediate than words, more visceral. Anyone can love a picture, personalize it, have an intimate moment with it, no dictionary needed.

I guess one of my dreams is to save up for a really fly Nikon D40 but that would be a pretty frivolous purchase for me right now even if I could afford it. Besides, I'm a great believer in that photography is not about the camera. It's about the person behind it.

Okay, I'm gonna open my packages now. : )