Barbie Cometh

This was my very first Barbie Doll ever. She was given to me by my mother one Christmas in the 80s. I don’t remember how old I was but I think we had already moved from Brooklyn to the Bronx. I might have been eleven. She had given me Brooke Shields when I was younger one previous Christmas in Brooklyn but the only concrete memory I have of anticipating Brooke was sneaking to the place where my parents hid the Christmas gifts the night before and sticking my finger in the box just so I could touch her hair which was very soft and thick. That’s pretty much what I liked about Brooke Shields. That’s the only first impression of that doll I can remember.

“Shirelle,” as my first Barbie came to be named by me, was my first ever Barbie doll. Looking back at old sale photos of these now vintage dolls on ebay, I can see for the first time why my first impression of Brooke was not as indelible for me as was Barbie. It was all about the way that Barbie is marketed, namely in the context of sex. The Brooke Shields doll was not marketed this way. She may have been Brooke Shields but she was not Barbie. Their was nothing sexy about the Brooke Shields doll. I now know that this was fully intentional in both respects.

When my mom gave me my first Barbie, I looked at her and saw a sassy, sophisticated, voluptuous black lady.  She had hips and boobs and legs, red heels, a sparkly red evening gown with a high slit on one side and jewelry to match, plus a comb. All of my toys up until then were baby dolls and stuffed toys or dolls that were little girls. Barbie was the first “woman” doll I had ever held or owned. Her big eyes and puckered smiling lips seemed to say she had it all and I couldn’t see where she would have much need for me. Unlike my baby dolls and stuffed animals, Barbie didn’t evoke a need in me to take care of her, or teach her or tell her what to do. In a nutshell, she intimidated me. Shirelle spent a lot of time on her posing stand doing just that, posing and looking fabulous. I had no idea how to integrate her with my other toys.  There were no friends for her or rather no toys that looked like her. I actually didn’t play with her much at all.  Her entrance into my world felt weird and misfitted, kind of like when my godmother would give me handbags as gifts. I loved getting them but I had nothing to put in them, hardly a lip-gloss let alone anything else I could think of. I still shoved my money in my pants pockets. I had not really become a “girl” in quite that way yet. I watched the artifice of it happening from afar, in books and on television and I admired it to be sure but it wasn’t really me. I was more of a bookworm, living in my imagination and projecting it into play on toys that seemed malleable and adaptable to my adventures. I think that the only toys my brother and I played with that already had a popular preconceived narrative were our Star Wars toys. But because I loved the Star Wars narrative and found it seamlessly relatable at the time, it was an easy story to replay and alter and retell in my own way.

Barbie’s preconceived narrative, the real one, not the story designed by Mattel executives, though wholly unknown to me at the time, made me a bit uncomfortable.  I’m very thankful that my mom chose a Black Barbie for me as my first Barbie ever. I’m not sure how it would have sat with me if my first Barbie had been white. I think her “Blackness” eased me into Barbie’s world and gave me license to accept her crazy sexualized proportions. You see, even though my first Barbie was Black, I still got the distinct feel that I was being told something about what it meant to be an adult female through the eyes and mind of someone I could sense vaguely but could not yet identify. And I didn’t like the subterfuge. 

Skin Trade (An Awakening)

Rereading Ann DuCille
Originally uploaded by Zanalee

Re-reading Ann DuCille's "Skin Trade" this morning, it is becoming more and more obvious to me that Whites have been profitting off of the sale of Black skin long after the abolition of slavery and in my side hobby customizing Black Blythe Dolls and in many other ways it has become more obvious to me that Black skin has made and is still making countless amounts of money for whites to this day. For me the truly sick thing about that, aside from the ways in which we as Blacks knowingly or unknowingly support that and the fact that we see little to none of that money ourselves, is that WHITE PEOPLE STILL HATE US!!!

Oh I said it.

The majority of white corporations who re-appropriate and re-package ethnic culture to sell back to us, still think of us as inhuman, inferior, lazy, oversexed, unintelligent, angry, hoodlums.

Yeah. In future entries, I will be listing all of my favorite white owned ethnic culture selling, black hating companies and you can judge for yourself. The media's little post racial fantasy is just a dream or nightmare depending on who is sleeping.

My thing is, if anybody is going to sell "Blackness" to me or anybody, let it be me. Let it be someone who is not attempting to interpret what is means, in order to make a buck but someone who is representing what it means so that we can see this representation reflected in our market in the most honest way possible the way that it is represented globally in life, on the corner, in the metropolitan, in the cities, in our communities, in life!

The exploration, marketing, packaging and selling of "Blackness" has been for too long disproportionately in the hands of non-Black people. Slavery has never ended. There's just too much money it.

Sunday in Park with Cece Olisa

I spent a lovely afternoon working with my dear friend and fashion blogger, Cece Olisa on a photoshoot for her The Big Girl Blog right here in our Harlem neighborhood. The morning sky started out really grey but we managed to catch some really good light in the park and I was really happy with the way the pictures turned out. The image to the right was among my very favorite. I really like everything about it, from the color of Cece's elegant wrap dress, her relaxed pose and facial expression to the seasonal Autumn leaves at her feet and the trees and buildings in the background.

I don't consider myself an expert when it comes to directing people in photoshoots but I've been working with Cece for a while now and It also really helps that she has a strong and clear vision of what she wants. This image is part of the Facebook page Zanography which I created to showcase what I feel is some of my best photographic work. Feel free to visit and "like" me!

A nice Monday?

Lavendar bundles
Originally uploaded by Zanalee

Yes, it's possible. You just have to take the day off from work. LOL!!!

I've had just a lovely day in general. It's been the kind of day that just rolls along very pleasantly. Everyone, even strangers in the street have been just nice and helpful and frankly I was a bit thrown off by it but hey! No complaints! I wish it was like this everyday.

I went downtown to get my eyebrows threaded and got there just in time to see Ana, the only person I let near my eyebrows. She's a sweetheart, does great work and always seems happy to see me.

I walked across Chelsea and dipped into Trader Joes along the way for seaweed snacks. I wanted the Wasabi kind but only found the roasted ones. The lady who was holding the "end of the line" sign and told me where they were said that the Wasabi was on the other side. She went and got them and brought a few to me while I was standing in line!

After that I zipped into Sephora for a sample of Lancome perfume I've fallen in love with. After that I walked into Anthropologie just a few doors down because I love their holiday window and store displays. I lingered there for a bit smelling all the amazing candles and fondling the adorable handmade ornaments.

At Barnes & Noble I searched for a sale on wrapping paper and Holiday cards because I like to get that stuff out of the way early. I found what I was looking for and then went for a stroll in the Farmers Market. It was only around 5:00 but the sun was down and the market looked very nice at night.

I smelled some lavender, wandered through the holiday shops and then took the crosstown bus to my uptown train home.
Lovely, pleasant, lovely. I didn't hate anyone.

Crochet Sugar Skulls

Originally uploaded by Zanalee

I'm off today and thought I'd try this pattern online for crochet skull earrings. It's so funny and cute the way they turned out. I started to do some Mexican Sugar Skull variations as well. I may give them away to some friends for the holidays as pins or ornaments or something.

There are several other knitting projects I need to start working on as well particularly in time for the holidays so I better get on that soon.

Hope everyone of you enjoys a lovely Thanksgiving with friends and loved ones!

IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING

I'm inspired by him and I always have been. I'm touched, compelled and moved. He's the man for the job right now, in this time. I couldn't see it going that other way with that other one. I just couldn't. I don't agree with all of Obama's policies. I don't. But between Obama and Mitt, there is only one way to move forward. And I am proud. I am proud again. And I'll be in DC this year to celebrate and show my pride again.

Four more years...

Orange

It was through the lens of my camera
That I suddenly opened my eyes to autumn,
That the secrets in the heart of a dying leaf
Unfolded inside the brief shutter release,
And injected these shades of orange.
Colors that danced in the hearts of bonfires
I had always passed over for Spring
But one day the dying of Summer was for me
Like a fire, which lay everywhere singing.
Like a fire which lay in gutters and parks
On sidewalks and brownstone steps,
Were the voices of colors that burst open and soared
colors that receded and slept.
Autumn leaves a trail of melancholy sunsets
As keep sakes at my feet.
They reach out with bold humility
Inspiring me to behold and retreat.
With undulating complexities beyond my grasp
They usher in a blinding white
Devoid of any complexity at all
And as thick as any night.

-Zenzile Greene
10/25/12