Linens and Shit

God Bless The Onion

Crushin on an Asian Sax Player (New York Perks)

So I'm at the tail end of an unexpected and serendipitous shopping spree yesterday after work. I hit H&M and the Victoria's Secret and then headed to the 34th Street Subway to catch the yellow line when I caught site of this! I stood there watching them for a good 30 minutes! I gave a donation and took a card from Alex LoDico. Man! They burned it up! But the Asian guy (he wore a black t-shirt with a cartoon cat that said "Jack Off") he fuckin tore the roof off. Omigod can that guy blow!! he was amazing. Plus he has pretty endearing facial expressions. There is nothing like hearing music live but this youtube clip is a pretty good as well.

VOTE BABY VOTE!

Are you registered baby?

Red Eyes

Red eyes.
Birds chirp like crazy at 5:10
in the morning.
They have what I need
or they're crazy.
They know better than to be human.

ZG

I guess we're just older now

So I met up with R., an old friend from High School today who I haven’t see in years. We used to go out. We were good friends. He went to the Navy shortly after he graduated from High School and has been all over the place. He’s working for a big fitness company in Jersey right now and is getting married this month.

There was nothing at all bad about my relationship with R. Everything with R. was comfortable and glowy. It was lush and soft. He was one of the only guys I ever went out with in High School who paid for everything all the time. He had wads of cash in his underwear drawer because he worked after school and really knew how to save his money. It was never an issue for him. He did love me. He still does, and I love him too. All the memories I have of us together are all warm and sweet and easy. So why didn’t it last? Well, for the same reason none of those relationships lasted with me. I always thought there would be something better or just as good around the corner. I thought that kind of specialness was always going to be around.

R. and I could walk along the promenade in Brooklyn together and watch sunsets, go to Central Park and lie on the rocks and talk. I was the freak and he was the more conservative, reserved one, but I think he liked my freakiness and I liked that he was conservative because it felt more naughty when I felt like I was corrupting him. But I think I craved more danger, more intensity, more aggression or something. I guess I felt like happiness wasn’t worth as much if I wasn’t suffering or tortured somehow. That was my immaturity talking. Back then everything was for my writing, for my journals. I wanted to experience as much as possible so that I could write about it.

It was great hanging out with him. We had a great conversation about marriage, relationships, commitment, fidelity and what they mean to each of us. It’s so trippy that we’re both engaged. God! We were children together! So young! And I guess we still are, but it’s a different kind of young. There’s so much to be responsible for, to take into account and be sensitive to. And it’s really good to be able to share with someone who knew you way back when and still likes you, despite all the mess.

The Youth

The youth,

They have something over you.
but they don't know what it is
and you do.

Pre-Teen Time Machine

It's funny I haven't written about it. I've had it for a few weeks now. It's beautiful,white, shiny and sexy. My new Macbook. I open it up in my bedroom at night and connect to the wireless public network in my area and stay up all night getting up to all kind of silliness, nostalgia and general time wastage. But sometimes, it's really personal,and private and good. It's really a bit overwhelming the things you can do on the internet and the hours you can spend on it doing almost nothing. I mean Youtube alone can take you a journey down memory lane that doesn't end until you pass out. Then of course are the dozens of other numerous sites for television shows where you can watch entire seasons of current television shows, even cable! I have over 300 favorite Youtube clips in my account and last night I spent time (after doing a little research for the office) looking at some of them. God! I love them like things that really matter! Relics of the past captured forever in a digital vacuum.

I've also started to collect a few of my favorite old YA (that's Young Adult for those of you who don't read books any longer) books from when I was a girl. I'm kind of embarrassed to be seen reading them on the train but the thing is they really take me right back to all the feelings I had when I read them for the first time. I've been ordering them from Amazon because most of the stuff I read when I was a pre-teen (that word just makes me think Judy Blume "Are You There It's Me Margaret?") is out of print now. And although some of them have been re-released with new covers, the old covers hold a certain magic for me than cannot be replaced and so I've been trying get the originals. They're actually dirt cheap on Amazon, I guess because they're used and old and no one is looking for them which works out great for me. They're precious. I imagine, if they're not yellowed and falling apart by the time I have a kid I may pass them on to her or him. I really was obsessed with the coming of age genre and I was so romanced by being in that stage of life myself and very reluctant to leave it. So what happened was I read that genre for a long time even in my 20s. I think it's one of the reasons I look younger than I am. Really! I think it's because deep down inside, I'm really always a "pre-teen."

Fave YA Reads

-"The Handsome Man" by Larry Guest (My all time favorite!)
-"Sooner of Later" by Bruce and Carole Hart
-"Waiting Games" (Sequel to the above) by Bruce and Carole Hart
-"The Silver Kiss" by Annette Curtis Klause
- "Up in Seth's Room" by Norma Fox Mazer (just in)
- "As Long as We're Together" by Judy Blume

Still in line

-"The Truth About Me and Bobby V." (One of first and only Sweet Dreams novels I ever read about a Black girl. I LOVED THIS BOOK)
-"If This is Love I'll Take Spaghetti" by Ellen Conford, a series of really clever and snarky short stories about love and anti-love

Responsibility

Yesterday
I felt the press of eyes
surrounding me
but they were only lies
I tell myself
in order to stay blind.